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Moving Forward

If you haven't already, you should start with reading Part 1 of this post by clicking here.

If you're a long-time follower of mine (since early 2010), then you'll have noticed that for the past few months, this site went down.

What happened?

Most of you already know my story. Trigger warning: it involves rape and other forms of physical assault that I've endured. In my circle, I have lost a lot of people. I lost a childhood friend and an abuser to suicide, one of which I witnessed happening right before my eyes. The others left because they didn't want to be associated with someone who experienced such dark things.

In the end, my friend blamed me for not being able to protect her from our mutual abuser, and her final wish was that I should stop writing because she believed that both of us were just ghosts, having died the night we endured the horrific experiences. She was angry.

So, I respected her wishes and gave up on writing. That was until a wise mind told me:

I think that anyone who asks you not to do what you love does not have your best interest at heart. You writing your blog and doing what you are passionate about does not impact the people who choose that it’s not for them, but it does impact your readers who love your posts and look forward to you writing.

I hadn't realized it at the time, but I was using my friend's final wish as a method of escapism. I wanted to remain a ghost and hide from the world because I forgot who I was. A soldier buddy once told me that experiences have weight. The more you hold onto the heavier ones, the harder it is to keep moving forward; because as we all know, when the weight of the world is on your shoulders, all you need to do is squat, not give up.

As the Russian proverb goes: "Akula katoraya ne plavayat, tonet." The shark that does not swim, drowns. You either move forward or you die living in the past which is all-consuming.

The struggle never ends. As a species, though, we become more equipped to overcome and deal with adversity. The measure of one’s success is usually determined by their willingness to experience pain and discomfort over and over again until they become a master of making sense of what the ghosts of agony are trying to tell them.

& Other Lessons...

Over the past week, I wasn't in the city/home. I'd left last week to spend it with family who didn't live around me. My adorable nephew melted my heart with his adorableness, and my cousin and his wife showed me what loving hearts can and a great attitude can teach you.

Being around a dedicated husband and father showed me the kind of man I hope I can grow into. Being around his remarkable wife showed me what a gentle heart and strong mind can do for your mind, body and soul. In just under a week, all the pain I've been holding onto for so long slipped away. They showed me a better, more spiritual way of living and as an Empath, I got to absorb the energies and streageties I've learned to be the best version of myself I've seen thus far.

This just goes to show you the power of trust and connection, and the opportunity that arises when you decide not to give up.

And that is how you survive. Not by giving up, not by not trying, but by believing there’s always another way.


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